Five.

Five years ago today my life changed forever.

I gave birth to a tiny little boy who couldn’t wait to be with me (literally, as he was nearly 6 weeks early).

From the moment I discovered I was pregnant, I felt so lucky to be forever connected to the little person inside me.

I have been totally smitten with him from the moment we first met.

Jackson is the most vibrant, amazing little person. His lust for life rivals mine (and ask anyone who knows me, that’s A LOT) and he makes my heart overflow with joy every time I see him take on the world with such gusto.

Jackson has changed me as a person, a woman, and a mother. He has made me more patient, understanding, honest, hopeful, and true.

He has taught me what unconditional love REALLY is. He is always there when I have no one else and he knows I will always be there when he has no one else, forever.

He cannot say, “I love you, Mommy” with words…but the look in his eyes and the way he touches my face when he gets off the bus after school each day says it all.

There are times when I still grieve the loss of his “normal life” due to Autism…but the truth is, now, after so many amazing joyful moments with him – I cannot imagine our life any other way.

There is so much beauty and fragility in the fact that Jackson will remain innocent forever.

I find myself humbled by the thought almost daily.

For some reason, this is the first birthday of his that has hit me REALLY hard. Five just seems so….old.

My baby is no longer a baby at all.

Does this ever get ANY easier? *sniff sniff*

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Happy 5th Birthday my heart of hearts….you are the greatest gift I could have ever asked for.